Petit Mort Magazine Interview Q's

March 6, 2021

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Here are some answers I wrote for Petit Mort magazines interview questions. Petit Mort is a “new quarterly print and digital magazine for sex workers, their admirers, and the curious.” Already in love with the concept, I got curious about the name and was pleasantly surprised by its definition. La petite mort is an expression which means ‘little death’ as in that moment of bliss during a powerfully pleasurable orgasm. 

Q: What are your work bag essentials?

Lip balms and glosses. Lipsticks that fail me everytime. Various gold-toned hair clips, ties, and barrettes. Hair oil so that caressing hands are met with soft pliant strands. A book, a notebook, and a cherished ink pen. My phone charger. 

Q: If the pandemic forced you to explore your own neighborhood more, what are some discoveries you made?

I moved into a new condo building during early-stage quarantine. I hand wrote notes introducing myself to my neighbors, and taped them onto the doors surrounding mine. One of them got in touch with me and we developed a nice neighborly friendship. By late-stage quarantine, he ended up building his own drone. He shares with me his edited drone footage of our building, neighborhood, and city everytime he flies it. Indirectly, I’ve discovered the ability to see everything around me from a bird’s eye view. 

Q: What personality traits turn you on?

I actually answer this question on my website as a part of a brief Q&A series of my favorite things. My answer is ‘curious intelligence.’ 

Beyond that, I find a man who is comfortable with generosity to be attractive. I am taken with witty banter, gentle dominance, and flirtatious yet steadfast tension-building. 

Q: What do you think outsiders could learn from sex workers in regards to time and money management?

One of the first lessons I learned when transitioning into full-time professional companionship is that this line of work is akin to running a small business. In fact, it *is* running a small business. Many companions file as an LLC or S corp for financial reasons. Legitimizing our income is necessary in order for us to a) avoid audit and arrest by the IRS, b) deduct business expenses accordingly, and c) have proof of income for future employers, landlords, credit card companies, loans, mortgages, etc. If the profession weren’t stigmatized and criminalized, I don’t think there would be any hesitation in referring to companions as business owners or as self-employed professionals who ‘own their own practice’. 

However, I also think our industry poses unique financial challenges that are markedly different from other small businesses because a) we are paid mostly in cash and b) our being is our business. Undeniably, being paid in cash is a thrilling feeling. Flipping through those blue Benjamin’s just hits differently. It is incomparable to getting a paycheck or automatic direct deposit. I think this visual and sensory thrill of being paid in large cash bills gives the effect that we are able to make money easily, and therefore we spend it easily. I also think that it is inherently difficult to detach and differentiate our personhood from our business, and this can confound what is a business expense versus what is something we want that is beyond the justifications of a business expense. In other words, saving can become difficult in a lifestyle of fast cash. 

My specific money and time tip is, if you can afford it, investing in yourself as an individual and into your business using reputable and well-acclaimed professional services is well worth your money and often returns itself, with dividends. I’m not speaking about living beyond your lifestyle or living extraneously. I initially was (and often still am) hesitant to outsource labor, but sometimes it is best to hire professionals for skills that you do not have the time or training to perfect yourself. For our specific business, some examples are hiring a website designer, high-end photographer, interior designer, wardrobe stylist, makeup artist, nail technician, hair stylist, masseuse, personal trainer, cleaning service, life coach, industry mentor, therapist, accountant, lawyer, virtual assistant, client screener, social media manager, and wealth manager as well as paying for services like editing apps, finance trackers, VPN and internet safety measures, cosmetic surgery and procedures, etc. These aren’t always necessary and vary depending on what your business approach is, but they shouldn’t be overlooked as worthwhile investments either. If you’re a client who read this list and feels overwhelmed, why don’t you send your favorite provider a tip. We do a lot. 

Q: Do you ever experience imposter syndrome and how do you deal with it?

All the time. I am unsure if it is something I will naturally outgrow with continued and increasing ‘success’. This is an area of my psychology that I ongoingly work through with my therapist. Part of this self-improvement work requires doing homework for myself which includes self-reflection and journaling. I also often find myself lurking through the internet caves of Youtube and Reddit, searching things like ‘how to overcome imposter syndrome’ or ‘why do I feel imposter syndrome,’ and fully immersing myself in others’ hard-learned lessons. 

Q: What does luxury really mean to you?

Luxury is an overworked term that I am guilty of using in self-portrayal. The word itself is just a marketing and advertising tool. I am reluctant to seriously define something that is inherently empty or to spin the word off in an endearing humanist way. I strive for financial comfort and contentment. Of course, my eye for pretty things and my expensive taste leads me astray and I am tempted by self-adornment and the finer things in life.

Q: What are you most looking forward to post-pandemic and what won’t you miss?

I miss being able to flirt with well-dressed men in hotel bars and airport lounges. I long to dance freely on ballroom floors, in my girlfriends’ homes, and in bespoke private parties. Part of the fun is having a partner to dance with, being with friends all getting wild to the same nostalgic music, and at times, being watched as I let loose to my most raw and feminine form. I most look forward to being whisked away to destinations across the states and across the world–and being able to safely enjoy all that a city has to offer in the company of remarkable people.

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Leyla Amar is a luxury companion and high-end Washington D.C. escort.